It’s Broken - And I Can’t Fix It

It is about as broken as broken gets.  And I can’t fix it.

I do not like this realization I have come to recently.  I would still rather reside in the happy land of “Maybe If...”or “It is Possible That...”.  The land where, in my heart,  I try to make things work out, and physical realities and the free will of people I love all line up and “voila!” everything is back to normal.  There are smiles, and rainbows, and happy endings.  A place where people are happy with themselves and are kind and loving to others.

But my mind has had to give my heart a reality check.  And I’ve had to vacate the happy land of “Maybe If...” and “It is Possible That...” and move into the smaller tighter reality of “It is Broken.” and “I Can’t Fix It.”

Broken things make me sad.  I don’t like things that are broken.  I want them to be fixed, restored, and made whole again. I like happy.  I like smooth sailing and sunny days.

Storms and rough seas are not my cup of tea.

But as much as I want to fix things, I’m only good at easy fixes like bandaids and kisses, ice packs and treats, hugs and smiles, causing laughter, encouraging toughness, tenacity, and persistence.

And this brokenness, well, it's bigger than those quick fixes.

 I’m not an expert fixer.  I am definitely not a miracle worker.  I’m not good at broken bones, stitches, surgical procedures. I am not good at broken lives, broken hearts or wounded souls.

When serious broken happens, I have to call on an expert.  So, it is a good thing that I know one personally.  One that IS an expert on fixing bodies AND souls.  And He is just one call away.  Even better, when I call Him, He already knows what is going on.  He already has a plan, and He has already set things in motion to heal and restore.

He speaks gently and lovingly to my heart.  He tells me to “fear not.”  He calms the storm raging in my mind and heart, and restores peace to my soul.  He allows me to cry over the brokenness that I can’t fix, while He wraps His arms of love around me and assures me that He will fix it, in His time, and in His way.

Our family seems to be under attack from every side and and every angle these past few weeks.  Satan has been working hard to discourage us.  Fiery darts rain in from EVERY side.  The winds blow, and our ship is tossed.  From big issues with a couple of our cars, to little issues with the washing machine.  From broken phones (which are hard to fix from several hundred miles away), to the stairway falling from our attic entrance (which was fixed fairly quickly by the Young Prince who was assisted by My Prince).  From heartbreaking situations at church (bearing one another's burdens), to discouraging issues at work.  From loved ones facing health issues to loved ones facing seriously tough life circumstances.  From death in our extended family to broken relationships among those we love.  From putting out one "fire" to putting out three or four "fires" at one time.

The other day, I had had all I could handle.  I felt like one more thing, and I was going to lose my mind.  So I went to God's Word, to assure and encourage myself.  I posted a few Bible Verses with the declaration of Not today, Satan!  Not today!  And I decided to call it a day.  I laid my head down on my pillow, and before I could relax, my phone buzzed.  Before I could completely handle that situation, the phone rang with more disturbing news.  Needless to say, it was a long night. After a really long day. And the next morning picked up right where the night before left off. Another really long day, in a series of several really long weeks.  A whole lot of broken.  In a short amount of time.  With little - if any - reprieve in between.

But through it all, God has remained faithful.  He has not left us.   I do not know how people face life without Him.  I am beyond thankful that I know the greatest Fixer of all things.  He has it all under control.  I just need to rest in that assurance, and trust that even when I can't fix it, no, especially when I can't fix it, God can.  I was reminded in my Bible study class that God does not run from our "messy", but he climbs right into the boat with us and calms our storm.  And for us, He has done just that.  In each and every situation, He has been right there.  He has calmed each storm. Even when they came back to back to back.

Is everything resolved and restored?  Unfortunately not.  But (for now) all is calm.  We have actually had a couple of calm days in a row (Hallelujah!).  And when I look back at just how faithful and good God has been in the past, I know that I can trust Him with my future.  It is broken.  And I can not fix it.  But I rest in the assurance that I know The One who can.